Friday Haiku

Flowers rattle like
Bones as the trucks thunder past.
Roadside memorial

Don't Expect The Age to publich this

In response to this filthy article.

Unlike Harry Barber, Dan Silkstone or Vanessa Burrow I ride the Hell ride regularly throughout the year and it is an important part of the training regime of many racing cyclists in Melbourne. Let’s get the facts straight. The Hell ride does not travel at 60km/h, the average speed is more like 40km/h. The Hell ride bunch doesn’t run red lights and takes up one lane of traffic for the majority of the ride. Furthermore, the ride rarely ever contains 100 riders let alone 200.

Without wanting to sound callous one cyclist hit and killed a pedestrian on the weekend. This is a tragedy, and should never happen ever, but the way the incident has been reported in the media suggests that a phalanx of 200 cyclists ran this poor man down running a red light at 60km/h.

The Hell Ride has a reputation for being lawless, but this is just a reputation largely fuelled by people who don’t do the ride, or have limited contact with the ride because they are too fat and old (like Harry Barber from Bicycle Victoria). Those who say the bunch is lawless generally rely on second hand information, hearsay and rumour to support their flimsy and exaggerated claims. It seems when the media wants to do a story about the Hell Ride, these people have the loudest voice. Cyclists don’t help their own case by telling tall stories about the Hell Ride, like fisherman telling stories about the one that got away.

Whilst there will always be the odd one or two riders who insist on breaking the law, from my experience over the last two years the bunch always endeavours to behave in a respectful and appropriate manner.

Harry Barber’s comments in The Age on 30/8/2006 prove that Bicycle Victoria does not represent racing cyclists, and that he is out of touch with a large section of the cycling community. If you are going to speak on behalf of the cycling community, you should at least have the decency to know what you are talking about. Likening the Hell Ride to illegal drag racing is irresponsible, and does nothing to improve the relationship between cyclists, pedestrians and other road users.

How long until they throw this case out

How many more chances should the Courts give Gunn's to persecute and oppress their political opponents.

The justice system should be the bedrock of democracy, not a system that perpetuates tyranny and oppression.

Gunns have had three chances to get there case right and they have come up short three times.

The message should be clear- GET BENT.

Private Schools

This article in The Age has exposed Private Schools.

They don't invest in developing talent themselves- they capitalise on parents who invest in the sporting/ academic achievement of their children, wrap it up in a school uniform and then sell sell sell.

One rung above fraud.

Or am I being too harsh?

Snakes on a Plane

How long into to the movie do you think it will take for a comment re Black men and trouser snakes?

My bet is on a big black cock joke/pun/reference somewhere near the 20 minute mark after the appearance of slithering reptiles.

It's a snakesploitation movie damn it.

I'm going to have to go and investigate this more closely.

Friday Haiku (is largely stolen)

Is it wrong to fear
that waiting could crush my heart?
the right words in time

The Shallow End

One of these women is a world record holder, one is not. One looks a little bit like a snork, the other does not.

Jodie Henry with Eddie

Sponsors:
BMW
Cadbury Schweppes
Nine Network
Adidas

Jessica Schipper

Sponsors:
None

Swimming is discredited by the fact that performances count for nothing.

Multimedia is Here

And the crowd goes wild!!!

Friday Haiku is about Parrots (Not you Barnes)

Amidst much hot air
The wind turbines fell silent
Orange bellied parrot

Timboys Wide World of Sports

Here's a wrap up of the wide world of Sports from couchside at the Timboy mansion.

Shane Warne has allegedly slept with 1000 women. Still my hero.

Deano is a closet racist. Not surprising.

Victorian cricket is a complete lunatic asylum inhabitated by gibbering idiots and pantsmen. Again, not surprising.

My cycling hero Frank Vandebrouke has been sacked for not showing up to races. Fuck cheating Landis, this is the real controversy/ tragedy in world cycling at the moment.

Floyd Landis is deposed from the tour title due to taking medication designed for menopausal women. What a joke. Phonak should have been kicked out of cycling after the Hamilton, Perez, Guiterez etc etc doping controversies.

In other news just about every other contender for GC in a three week tour is probably a cheat.

Hawthorn are showing signs that they might have a good team in 2010... but don't count on it.

I sit here silently waiting for Melbourne and Collingwood to lose to interstate clubs in the finals. I hate those clubs. Poney club toffs and feral bogans- not a lot to love anywhere there. Although Dale Thomas is a special.

This is possibly the shittest/ redundant posts I have ever dropped- and that's saying something.

How I Spent my Sunday Night

On Sunday I went to see some band, Jed Whitey, Mindsnare and Municipal Waste play at the Arty.

It was awesome- although a pretty big night for a Sunday.

Jed Whitey were like a Motorhead ripoff band which wasn't particularly novel, albeit a little entertaining.

Mindsnare were pretty awesome, although they only played a short set. That seems to be the trend these days- the guys are looking pretty old and fat. Too many cheesies, not enough energy methinks.

Municipal waste were incredible. Full of energy, even on a Sunday night after being on tour for three weeks. The fastest, tightest band I have ever seen play loud. I don;t know how they play so tight because they sure as hell drank a lot. The only band I have seen that is more drunk than them on stage is the Twits, and I don't think the words tight and the Twits have ever been seen in the same sentence together.

Anyways, Municipal Waste started their set by giving people beer bongs in the front row. Then when the music started there was stage diving left right and centre. They had two boogey boards that people were using to crowd surf it was awesome.

There was a smelly guy with dreadlocks crowd surfing- not so awesome.

I think they brought out an amateur wrestler to tour with them. He wore a Mexican wrestling mask, and half way through the set he began crushing full cans of VB on his head. There was another huge guy who looked like a wrestler, who had long hear and was wearing a leather jacket over a singlet, tight black jeans and white sneakers. He got up on stage and started playing air guitar and headbanging with the band for about 3 songs. Such a joke, but he thought he was the shit. in hindsight, he was the shit.

A good crossover metal/ hardcore crowd for the best crossover harcore/ metal band going around.

I wish I went on saturday night because that show would have been huge.

Come bakc soon please!

Friday Haiku

We fill all the gaps
In our empty little lives
Knowing we are doomed

Monthly Crush Update

1 Colleague
1 German Exchange student
1 Cyclist
0 grads
2 waitresses
1 drummer
1 student
2 bloggers
0 politicians
0 lawyers
0 public servants

The shyness, it burns

Albums what rock

Ride, Nowhere

I haven't been able to stop listening to it for two weeks.

Perfect at work, perfect to chill out to, perfect in general.

It has a few songs that some dimwits would probably refer to as 'jangly', but that's what the skip button is for.

Best tracks

Kaleidoscope, Here and Now, In another Place, Vapour Trail, Dreams burn down.

I love the shoegaze, and something tells me I should be listening to more Max Head Room on Three Triple R.

Why isn't there more cool stuff like this floating around at the moment? Answer me pundits!

Deano

Bring back Deano!

www.theage.com.au/news/national/jones-terrorist-remark/2006/08/08/1154802889833.html

Yes he made a stupid comment, but he has a pretty consistent record of being a stupid person.

That's why listening to him commentating is so entertaining- because he might say something utterly confounding at any moment.

What can we take out of this? That muslims have no sense of humour? That they will overreact when people say stupid things about them that are clearly not intended to be serious.

zero tolerance for stupidity- a lot of people will be in trouble if that is a grounds for sacking.

A little bit more free speach please even for blockheads like Deano. This incident shows that people who make racist remarks are blockheads- and it's a good thing that people can hear and recognise this for themselves.

Womens Cycling

Two interesting reports from the world of women's cycling during the week. One local, and one global- both distrubing.

Global

Cyclingnews reports:

'The Canadian Cycling Association (CCA) has suspended downhill mountain bike racer Danika Schroeter for three months after an incident at the podium presentation of the Canadian downhill national championships on July 23.
The women's championship was won for the third time by Michelle Dumaresq. Because Dumaresq is a transsexual, Schroeter and some other Candian female downhillers have been vocal in their opposition to Dumaresq competing in the women's category, according to canadiancyclist.com.
At the podium ceremony, Schroeter wore a t-shirt with the slogan "100% Pure Woman CHAMP 2006" while her supporters shouted insults and obscenities at Dumaresq.
The CCA found that Schroeter's conduct was in breach of its rules governing the conduct of racers, which read, in part, "All license holders shall at all times be properly dressed and behave correctly in all circumstances... They shall refrain from any ... insults or any other improper behavior... They may not in word, gesture, writing or otherwise harm the reputation or question the honour of other license holders... The right of criticism shall be exercised in a motivated and reasonable manner and with moderation."
In its statement announcing the suspension, the CCA said, "The Canadian Cycling Association takes offences of this nature committed by its members very seriously. While athletes have the right to hold and express their opinions, they also have a duty to express them in a manner appropriate to sport and to Canadian society."
Danika Schroeter has until August 11 to appeal.'

Local

Check out this race report provided by John McDonald!

Distance = 147km
Climbs = 2 (Short / Sharp)
Grades A / B / C

The Shepparton Road Classic was a tough ride and my first experience of a "Golden Shower". I rode C Grade (the bottom grade) and felt I had a real chance offinishing with the bunch. Unfortunately before the first climb (Tammanick Gap) I was having gear problems. It was a real pity as the bike had been serviced and I'd been fourth or fifth wheel the whole way to the climb and survived all of the attacks (even havinga five minute break away). So I rolled off, adjusted the gears (to apoint they worked) and took off after the bunch. Unfortunately I never caught them and all of the riders dropped on the climb werenot capable of chasing. So another bloke and I settled into acomfortable rhythm and finished the race together. Only problem waswe had our race numbers taken from us about 40km from the finish aswe were just over 20 minutes behind the bunch. Hence we were nolonger in the race and both recorded DNF. The CSV bloke was keen to get us into the van but we'd come this far and were not giving up. Anyway a great ride with two good climbs. Turned out to be a good E1 / E2 training ride and we finished the 147km in 4 hours 51minutes and 25 seconds. Not sure how far this was behind the winners.

Onto the "Golden Shower". This is something I've never seen beforeand don't wish to see again. One of the female riders (they were all in C Grade) who was riding second wheel decided to have a leak on the bike and sprayed all who followed. Myself and another bloke rodeup beside her and suggested her behaviour was a little antisocialand may be she should go to the back of the peleton. I must say I was struggling to hold back laughter as the scene was so comical. This was met with no acknowledgement what soever and she just went right on pissing. What an experience! What a volume of piss from such a small girl. In the ladies defence (more a defence of the indefensable) it was quite evdent that our bunch was not going to wait for anybody and I believe a bloke who stopped for a leak before the above mentioned incident was dropped. Bad form really. Well that's all.

John Mc

PS: This Golden Shower was made even more comical when considering the pre race diatribe where all male riders were told in no uncertain terms that urinating in public was offensive. Especially considering there were female riders in our bunch and female stewards on the course.
Further proof that women's cycling isn't for the faint hearted!

Balliang race report

Seeing as people are always wondering what I'm doing always riding the bike, I thought I'd let you know what I get up to.

The short answer: racing glory!

So, my cycling exploits have taken me to balliang nestled at the base of the Brisbane Ranges midway between bacchus Marsh and Geelong- the scene of many a cycling tragedy. One of the most difficult courses in the Northern Combine, renowned for DNFs, stacks and sob stories.

The field was noticeably smaller at Balliang this time around after the epic slugfest that was Balliang I. and the dirt section was removed from the race after a bunch of sooky la-las complained.

I lined up in B grade, and A and B grade raced together. Representing Hawthorn were Aaron 'the atomic lion of hawthorn' Christiansen and Hawthorn cycling club's climbing lieutenant Jono lovelock.

Due to seasonal difficulties I didn't pack any hot cross buns this time, but i did manage to pack 6 fruit buns as a substitute. Two were consumed in the course of racing.

The first lap went by without incidient. A few B-graders were dropped.I sat in for the most part- only swapping turns at the front when I absolutely had too. The wind was blowing very strongly, and it seemed most riders had decided to stick together for as long as possible.

On the second lap I got dropped going up the short hill at the backend of the course. I had chinese the night before- and it wasn't doing me any favours every time the race went uphill. The Chilli Beef Sirchuan noodles causing my stomach to churn. Point to note: Don't eat something that is given a maximum chilli rating before you do a bikerace. You don't want to suffer from ring sting for 100km! Luckily there is a long downhill after the climb- so with the help of one of the officials vehicles I was able to reintegrate into the main bunch. It just wouldn't be a bike race without some blatant cheating.

Then on the third lap Jono attacked the bunch on a small hill before the major climb on the course. I wasn;t expecting that. He Managed to drop all but one B grader. I would argue that this was poor tactics because it was too far out from the line to cause the decisive break- and only succeeded in dropping me (bastard). It also left him at the mercy of his opponent from the 3 day tour- the lion of hawthorn, and two brunswick riders.

Anyway, the ride to the line was an absolute beast- by myself into a howling gale. But second in B-grade was a great consolation.

Next week- South Gisborne. Onward to cycling glory, and hopefully a finish in the Melbourne Warnambool

Friday haiku (was going to be about farting in the elevator)

Where the sky turns cold
and the rain begins to fall
I will be waiting