Monday, August 20, 2007

Snapshots of California

"I'll have an extra hot, no-fat latte". The woman, skinny like her beverage, is just a little smug about her highly specific drink order. She holds her head high and speaks just loud enough to be overheard.

Almost every grocery store in California has a sign declaring that inside there lurk "chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer in laboratory animals". It makes me think of Bill Hicks: "what the f*ck is this guy selling?" As it turns out, they aren't selling much of note. In sufficient quantities, almost any substance will cause cancer in lab rats. The little guys are durable, but inject them with seven grams of a compound that is meant to stop shampoo from becoming a solid and they don't hold up so well. Californians, especially Northern Californians, pride themselves on their organic, hand-picked, cold-pressed, chemical free food and beauty products. You can't move three feet without bumping into someones freshly harvested, organic, edible, essence of nasturtium soap. Meanwhile, in the park today, almost everyone was sunbathing, shirtless. The State of California may not yet know that an enormous nuclear reactor in the sky causes cancer - and not just in lab rats. Moreover, most of the young adults are smoking. I guess they reason that if you are going to have cancer, it is best to have it internally and externally. The full package. These same kids ride around on fixed gear bikes with no brakes, often without helmets, protected only by a thin cloth cap. Lab rats rarely die of head injuries after being cut off in traffic by a Chevy Suburban.


Blogger timboy said...


Alastair Cook, Letters From America eat your heart out!


Wear a helmet you idiots!!

9:12 PM  
Blogger C-MAC said...

Extra hot no fat latte: worst coffee order ever.

9:28 PM  
Blogger larson_b said...

it only needs to be decaffinated

2:51 AM  

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