Timboy Update

People keep demanding more updates on the blog. Some are interested in what I have to write; others are just praying that my commando style for a day entry is erased from their memories forever. Well I’ve been busy- so deal with it. But two weeks have gone by and a lot has happened, so be prepared for a longish Timboy update.

The Bands

In the last two weeks I’ve seen Mindsnare, As I lay Dying and Subject to Change. It’s always a privilege to see Mindsnare play because they’re a class act, and they aren’t getting any younger. Highlights for me were the intense amount of energy in the Arty on the night, and the Dag Nasty cover for all the old kids in attendence. Sublime.

As I Lay Dying- I haven’t seen so much metal headbanging and hair twirling in a long time. All of their songs sound the same, and I couldn’t help but feel I was watching a metal parody band or something. Spinal Tap meets Emo-core. Strange night, but strangely enjoyable.

And Subject to Change. My mate Mitch’s band played their first gig on Friday night for two years. Despite the layoff, they were just as tight (or rather not tight) as they were two years ago. These guys are a drunken mess in the best possible way!

The Shit Celebrities

On Tuesday I went to the physio to get my cannons fixed.

The physio asked me what team I went for- Hawthorn. 'Did you see the game on Friday night?'- 'Yeah, I went'. Turns out he's a Melbourne supporter.

I went on to talk about how we kicked the first five or so goals, then there were a few dubious free kicks, then the momentum of the game switched completely in Melbourne's favour.

Then I hear a voice from behind the curtain yell out 'I don't want to hear anymore about it'.

The physio pulled the curtain aside, and none other than Shane Crawford was on the table next to me getting treatment.

I told him that he didn't have to worry about me talking any more about it, because at that point in the game I started drinking heavily. He said something along the lines of- 'Yeah, I wish I could have done the same thing.'

I asked him about what he thought of Jeff getting his face all over the back pages and accusing the players of being quitters. All he said was ‘bloody Jeff’.

A genuinely nice guy who doesn’t take himself to seriously! Go Hawks

I also spotted Michael Klim in Centre Lane in the city last week at lunch. Not as tall as he looks on television- Timboy would cane him in a slapping match.

The Politics

This made me vomit last week. The Tories are breading people- it’s like a George Romero zombie movie or something. And isn’t Kristen Slaughter an appropriate name for a well-connected young US conservative. I wonder what they talked about over the dinner table…

RH: Wow, isn’t it exciting to be in the company of so many incompetent warmongers and obsequious cronies.
KS: Yes Dick, this is the greatest day of my life, so many ideologues. There’s so much power in the room, it’s turning me on.
RH: Hey, my daddies the Prime Minister.
KS: that’s so hot.
RH: He loves war more than George Bush, Dick Rumsfield and Dick Cheney combined. Let’s fuck.
KS: Oh stop it Dick, you’re making me all hot and wet and shit. Focus on the Family won’t approve and I’ll get kicked out of the Republican Party.
RH: C’mon honey, Cheney’s daughter is a dyke and they still take her membership fee. Let’s get busy.
KS: I know Dick, but I promised Daddy I’d save myself for marriage.
RH: Dammit woman- you come here in that hot red dress, and now you tell me you’re saving yourself for marriage. Who do you think you are Britney Spears or something? The conservative movement depends on us to produce offspring and dominate the globe for decades to come. The world’s oil supply is running out, we’re living on borrowed time. It’s now or never Kristen.
KS: Ohhh Dick, your so sexy when you talk about oil and domination. How could I ever doubt the integrity of your mission, our mission. Let’s root for conservatism!

I don’t know if she would say root, but anyway. Why are women so attracted to power? Why is Adam Bushby so attracted to reactionaries in red dresses. God only knows.

Peter Costello had the chance to show everyone what type of Prime Minister he would make as he stood in for the PM- I still don’t think anybody knows what he stands for. Mal Brough completely lost his head with the wild accusation that pedophile rings were operating in indigenous communities without having any evidence to back up his assertion. Widespread abuse is one thing, but making baseless accusations about organized pedophile rings is completely ridiculous and doesn’t help anyone. Bracks put out his transport plan which was woeful, and could have been titled- ‘Not Much for Thirty Years’. Melbourne 2030 could probably share the same title. Bracks are you a man, or a mouse.

The Cycling

The cannons have been playing up so I haven’t been racing all that much. I can’t ride hard for more than 50kms before breaking down. But look out for my name in the results in the near future- I’m gradually coming good!

The Giro has been great with a hat trick of wins to Robbie McEwen, and Ivan Basso showing that he is a class above the rest. I can’t wait for the tour! Henk Vogels has been going well also, which is a fillip for all the riders sporting mad guts out there.

The Work

I am owned.

The Patron Saint of Bicipolitics

Ottavio Bottecchia

Commando Style for a Day

I rode to work today, and somehow managed to forget my undies.

After initially feeling a bit uncomfortable/ weird about the situation- I decided to embrace the idea fully. It was my dirty little secret!

How would my seat feel sans undies? Very comfortable indeed, I could feel every bump and contour.

Would I get a bit cold when I went out at lunchtime? No, I felt a slight chill, but it was altogether quite invigorating.

Forgetting your undies for a day- highly recommended.

Forgetting your undies permanently- You might want to consult your dry cleaner.

Warney: The Sporting Gentleman

Shane'o is a guiding light to Australians everywhere.

Check out his mad guts in action!

I don't think Shane will mind this latest scandal at all. If the British tabloids keep setting him up like this, he'll never have to put in another booty text in his life.

How not to win a bike race

Your feeling strong, so you lead out the sprint from about 500 metres. On most other days this might be a bit too far, but you can tell from the looks on your competitors faces that you have this one in the bag.

You put the hammer down, and it looks like nobodies going to get past you.

Just before the line you sit up and salute the crowd- Letting everyone know you're the shizzle in the bizzle.

Damn. Things don't quite go acording to plan.

I would have thought that every professional cyclist had learnt a thing or too from this infamous incident!

Oil Prices

Good Cop

Bad Cop

I almost got hit by a dickhead driving an XR-8 on Sunday- so you know which side I'm on. I was legally passing through a roundabout and the guy didn't look, failing to give way to his right. Luckily the car had ABS brakes otherwise my new bike would have been history in record time (I wouldn't have looked too good either).

Family Feud: Brough ain’t that Rough

I strangely find myself in agreement with the Mal Brough as opposed to the ALP and the NGO sector over the issue of direct debiting a portion of welfare checks to feed impoverished children and provide basic services.

Anything that gets in the way of intergenerational poverty and disadvantage is a good thing in my book- no matter how paternalistic or intrusive it may appear. And no, it’s not a silver bullet, and it doesn’t directly address the underlying causes of poverty- but it will be effective in ensuring that children from abusive backgrounds get the best start to life possible.

Now the Knockers

‘Welfare academic, Associate Professor Michael Darcy said the proposal was disturbing.’

"The most disturbing thing is the paternalism and the stigmatisation of poverty that is inherent in it, that suggest that somehow people are poor because they can't manage their funds correctly than because of the economic or social conditions that they live under," Prof Darcy told ABC Radio.

No- it suggests that some children are not getting the right start to life because their parents are not adequately providing for them.

"It takes away the right from them to make decisions about their family spending patterns."

No- it requires abusive parents to take the actions that they should naturally be taking to fulfil their childrens fundamental needs without the need for compulsion.

And Barnaby Joyce doesn't want government interfering in peoples lives. Well if I was a starving child I'd want government interfering in my life.

I say bring it on- along with more measures aimed at fighting poverty and providing for the greater achievement of fundamental economic, social and cultural rights. I’d much rather children being fed, than irressponsible individuals being granted the freedom to drink, gamble and squander welfare while their children starve.

Happy May Day Comrades

To celebrate May Day, please join me in singing the Internationale with the backing of the Mont Albert Peoples Orchestra and the Proud Youth Youth Choir.

Stand Up, all victims of oppression
For the tyrants fear your might
Don't cling so hard to your possessions
For you have nothing, if you have no rights
Let racist ignorance be ended
For respect makes the empires fall
Freedom is merely privilege extended
Unless enjoyed by one and all

So come brothers and sisters
For the struggle carries on
The Internationale
Unites the world in song
So comrades come rally for this is the time and place
the international ideal
Unites the human race

Let no one build walls to divide us
Walls of hatred nor walls of stone
Come greet the dawn and stand beside us
We'll live together or we'll die alone
In our world poisoned by exploitation
Those who have taken, now they must give
And end the vanity of nations
We've but one Earth on which to live

So come brothers and sisters
For the struggle carries on
The Internationale
Unites the world in song
So comrades come rally for this is the time and place
the international ideal
Unites the human race

And so begins the final drama
In the streets and in the fields
We stand unbowed before their armour
We defy their guns and shields
When we fight, provoked by their aggression
Let us be inspired by life and love
For though they offer us concessions
Change will not come from above

So come brothers and sisters
For the struggle carries on
The Internationale
Unites the world in song
So comrades come rally for this is the time and place
the international ideal
Unites the human race